Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Death, eventually

The following chart inspired me to invent a new variation of the porn star name game.

You Batman villain name is the color of one article of clothing plus yous profession, pet, or last meal. (The original draft only included sock color and profession, but that was too limiting.)

P.S. you get bonus points if you invent a name already on this chart.

click to enlarge

I just came up with a new parlor game like the porn star name game, only this time you are finding the name you would use if you joined organized crime.

I call it your  “Lazy Mob Name”, and it is basically any task on your to-do list.

Mine is Mow the lawn.

The tenth Fast and Furious movie is going to be called Fast 10: Your Seat Belts.

What’s your favorite chord?

Hre’s my new phone greeting:

Imhof House of Corners! We’re having a special on tesseracts this week – get a free extra dimension with every order.

How does Harry Potter go down a hill?

He walks. jk. Rolling.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the “p” is silent.

Here’s my new answering machine message:

Thank you for calling Imhof Long Pig BBQ, where our motto is “Soylent Green is just the beginning”.

Q: Why didn’t Karl Marx like Earl Grey?

A: Because all proper tea is theft.