A lot of electrons have been slayed over the past year to cover one Silicon Valley millionaire’s quest to split California in 6, but I can’t see that any attention has been paid to what would happen next.
While the US could simply keep all six Californias, I’m not sure anyone wants to have more than one of them in the same country. If nothing else, it would give the appearance that the US now had 6 times as many crazy people – overnight.
And for that reason, I propose that the US either sell or give away 5 of the 6 Californias. And if we can swing it, I think we might want to give away all of them.
I know that is a radical idea, but please hear me out. The last time we had an opportunity to split a state was over 150 years ago, and while that didn’t go so well I think we can get it right this time around.
LTo get us started, let’s look at the new proposed borders:
From north to south, the six Californias are:
- North California,
- Central California,
- Silicon Valley,
- West California, and
- South California
And here’s how I would propose we dispose of them.
To start, we’d give South California back to Mexico. Given the cross border migration, the new state shares a cultural heritage with its southern neighbor so finding itself under a new govt would not come as too big of a shock.
West California, on the other hand, is something of a puzzler. We could give it to Mexico as well, but I think a better option would be to sell it off to either China, Saudi Arabia, or some other country with an excess of US dollars (North Korea is another option; they could pay cash, although we would have to make sure the ink was dry before depositing the payment). Selling off West California would give the US a very favorable trade balance for the year, and the cash could be used to pay down the national debt.
Central California would be kept as the rump of the state of California, or possibly merged with Nevada.
Next, Silicon Valley would be handed off to Canada (it could be renamed Vancouver South). Having been to both Vancouver and San Francisco, I can attest to the cultural similarities. What’s more, anyone who has followed politics can tell you that California’s traditionally leftist political leanings would blend well with Canada’s existing political landscape.
North California would be sold off to Russia. Few know this, but Russia had a colony in that region in the first half of the 19th century. That colony never amounted to much, but it does give us a good reason to give the sliver of a state to Russia.
And last but not least, we have Jefferson. After careful thought, I have decided that Jefferson should be given to Texas. That part of the state of California was the most conservative, so the cultural shock of finding themselves honorary Texans shouldn’t last long. What’s more, the need to administer Jefferson should occupy enough of Texas’ attention that we can stop worrying about Texas invading Mexico again.
So what do you think of my proposal?