You have reached the time traveler’s assistance hotline. Please listen carefully, as our temporal situation may have changed.
The local date is the month of Kislev in the year 5775, and the local political unit is New Canaan.
If you wish to buy technology which you can take to the past and make your fortune, please press one.
If you wish to sell technology which you brought from another time/place, please press two now.
Please note that due to a strict criminal code, new Canaan has an excess of human tissue transplant material, and thus there will be little interest in medical techniques which can regenerate organs.
At this time the hotline is unable to help time travelers gain access to plasma or other high energy technologies due to security restrictions. We can however provide a comprehensive information packet on anti-gravity, alchemy, cold fusion, both powered and lighter-than-air flight, and space travel.
For all other needs, please stay on the line and an operator will assist you shortly.